How to be alone, when you have to be alone

26 Apr

Is it silly to say I have inspired myself? Well good then, because I have. By being alone, I have inspired myself to be alone more. No no… not always, but to embrace the times when I have “alone time” or when I know that I am to be alone (which is often in a city where you don’t know many people), to say Heck Yea Man — this is Rad — I dig being alone!

About an hours flight south is my new favorite Oyster in the world. Melbourne.

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The first thing about being alone….

You can be as cool or as not cool as you wish. I choose cool. Well, I tried. 

This screams Cool

Number two about being alone:

At restaurants, they will be nervous if you are nervous about being alone. 

The Vineyard in St. Kilda is one of the many places where “cool” people go. I showed up, saw all the groups of friends and instantly felt nervous to be so alone. And they sensed it and didn’t ask me to take a seat, or if they could help me. This went on as I walked back and forth around the place and just looked totally uncool. Finally, they told me to choose a seat and what did I do? I sat down in the middle of the room, surrounded by empty tables, surrounded by groups of friends. And I just knew that everyone felt sorry for the girl in the middle who on Good Friday doesn’t have any friends — or anything to read because I hadn’t thought of that — just staring at the wall. Oy, it was awful. They kept coming over and trying to remove the extra set of silverware and napkin only to stop and apologize and then aplogize for pointing out that I was alone. And they kept trying to clean my table off because they were clearing the tables away for the music and I was taking up so much space! Me an my aloneness! So much space and resources I was taking up, how rude eh!

Number three about being alone:

Don’t sit in the middle of the room, surrounded by empty tables. And don’t stare at the wall. I don’t think I need to say more.

Number four about being alone:

In these situations where you are nervous and they are nervous, act like the World’s Most Interesting Man

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Play it cool baby!

So I asked for a pen and paper, told them to take away the napkin and extra plate, no one is comin’ mate! And I sat there and smiled at people and sipped slowly and ate every single raw onion on my plate for them cuz no one was gonna be kissin me tonight. And the onions were SO good and raw (and gave me heart burn at 3am, but still). And I acted like I was a famous American poet and got down with my napkin and pen (cuz they didn’t have any paper for me). And scribbled all the nonsense and insecurities in my head and how it was only myself limiting myself.  And you know what they did…. they brought me the bill early and told me dinner service was done and that they needed the table. Oy. That one hurt. But at least I tried.

Number five about being alone:

It doesn’t matter that the restaurant asked you to leave before you could get another drink — you don’t ever have to see them again.

And this is true about life in general. When you are feeling insecure about yourself and your position, others sense it. The meanest of the pack will pounce on it and bring you the bill early, but most people will probably look at you and say “how cool is that chick… she’s alone and digging it! I want to get to know her.” And ya know what, they did. I met some really cool people when I calmed my mind and held up my eyes.

Number six about being alone:

When you spend so much time alone, you really look forward to being together. 

When Easter came and went and all the things I wanted to do for myself were crossed off the list– I realized, yes I am alone, but still have so many wonderful friends and family members and also what I am pretty sure is the World’s Most Amazing Husband. And when I need a friend, I can call on them.

Mamma and Pappa

Mamma Hudson and our Little Friend

Becky and Me -- Friends for 20 years!

And don’t you worry baby, I am really digging this time to myself, but I can’t wait for you to be back by my side.

And as always…. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

Cheers Mate!

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2 Responses to “How to be alone, when you have to be alone”

  1. becky April 27, 2011 at 3:07 am #

    That’s me!
    I learned from my time in NYC that wandering a new city by yourself can be seriously beneficial. I even went to the movies by myself. Twice. It was awesome.

  2. tina April 28, 2011 at 10:56 am #

    Yup, I know the feeling! Although now I have a little sidekick, which is quite the icebreaker. But definitely spent the first year here, spending most of the days alone trying to meet people! It’s true, the more confident you feel about being alone, the less alone you’ll be!

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